so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
