Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
