just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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