and you said cock pushups were impossible
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
