you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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