I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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