Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
