kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
