my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
