My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
