Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
