and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize