Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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