I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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