You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
