I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
