marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
