rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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