i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
where are you?
Hypothermia
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
