My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
