How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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