i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
