Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The best revenge is premature balding
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
