Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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