Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
