did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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