I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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