if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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