The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize