Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
