do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
