Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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