Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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