Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i came on her dog
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
