You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
