someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
