One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
