Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
