so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
