He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
