i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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