It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
