I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
