8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
even my farts smell like vagina
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
