I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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