u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
