If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
