i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
