Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
