No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I could make wine with my vomit
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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