The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
