I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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