You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize