Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
