I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
