Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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