yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize