those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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