the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
