you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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