I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
