Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
