I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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