I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
