I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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