you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
