put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
